Jessica’s (Not Quite!) Ghetto Pho

Jessica Cargill has for years taunted me with her recipe for “ghetto pho”, so called because of her love for cheap ingredients. A proper pho takes days to make, mostly because of the traditional French approach to making beef stock. This is how we made it yesterday while Jessica was visiting with the winsome, resilient Mr. Rollo.

• 2 quarts beef stock
• 1 quart chicken or vegetable stock
• 2 oz. lemongrass paste. You can find this commercially (about half a tube), or if you have access to a good Asian market, you can cut up your own.
• One medium onion, sliced
• 1 lb. rice noodles
• About half a head of cilantro, with leaves stripped from stems
• 1 lb. or one 14 oz. can bean sprouts
• 2 oz. fresh basil, chopped (about a cup finished)
• 3 scallions, sliced
• 2-3 limes, juiced (about 1/4c.)
• 1 lb. beef sliced lengthways in 1”-2” x 1/2” strips . We used a T-bone steak I had in the freezer, which probably came out to a bit more than a pound.
• 1 lb. shrimp. Frozen, shelled, precooked works fine.
• White pepper (to taste)
• Salt (to taste)
• 1/2 tsp. red pepper flakes (or to taste)
• 1/2 tsp. cumin
• 1/2 tsp. garam masala
• 1/2 tsp. ground ginger
• 1/2 tsp. ground cloves (optional)
• 1/2 tsp. star anise

Put the beef and chicken stocks in a stock pot along with the onions, cilantro, basil, lemongrass paste, lime juice, salt, and white and red peppers. Add the beef and shrimp, and allow to cook for about 45 minutes to an hour. While the main soup is cooking, prepare the noodles separately starting around 30 minutes into the process. (Ours took 6 minutes to cook per the directions). Drain and rinse, and add back to the soup. Serves about six.

Big Bird: Roasting The 30+ lb. Turkey

Adapted from the recipe from Coleen Johnson in her Thanksgiving 101 class at Prep Kitchen Essentials. Coming back to it now nearly a decade later, I have found a good many of its instructions wanting, editorial lapses that need repair.

Herbed Salt:

• 1/3 cup plus 1 tablespoon coarse kosher salt
• 1-1/2 teaspoons dried rosemary
• 1-1/2 teaspoons dried rubbed sage
• 1-1/2 teaspoons dried thyme
• 1 teaspoon black peppercorns, crushed
• 3 small bay leaves, coarsely ground
• 1 teaspoon finely grated lemon peel (optional; we omit this because of a guest with citrus allergies)

Stuffing (optional):

Quantities here probably should be doubled for a 30-lb. bird.

• 1 large onion, chopped
• 1 large celery stalk, chopped
• 1 whole lemon, chopped with peel (again, optional)
• 1 teaspoon dried rosemary
• 1 teaspoon dried rubbed sage
• 1 teaspoon dried thyme

Turkey:

• One turkey. The original recipe calls for a more normal 14-16 lb. turkey, but owing to the size of our parties, we typically get a 30 lb. bird.
• 1/2 cup (1 stick) unsalted butter, at room temperature
• 2 cups (or more) Golden Turkey Stock. (I used chicken stock, because that’s what I have on hand.)
• Turkey bag. Note this will not be used for cooking the bird, but storage during the resting period in the refrigerator. You may need two if you use the FDA-approved cold water defrosting method for a frozen turkey.
• 10 oz. salt per gallon of liquid brining solution. I count on 7-8 gallons. A 4-lb. box of Morton’s table salt, or a couple 3.5 lb. boxes of Morton’s kosher salt, will do nicely.

Stuffing:

I might be inclined to double these quantities for a bird about twice the size of the one called for in the recipe. Since we didn’t use it, the original quantities are presented here.

• 1 large onion, chopped
• 1 large celery stalk, chopped
• 1 whole lemon, chopped with peel
• 1 teaspoon dried rosemary
• 1 teaspoon dried rubbed sage
• 1 teaspoon dried thyme

Gravy:

• 3 1/2 cups (about) Golden Turkey Stock
• 2/3 cup chopped shallots
• 1/2 cup all purpose flour
• 1/4 cup dry white wine
• 2 tablespoons Dijon mustard
• 2 teaspoons chopped fresh rosemary

Herbed salt:

Rub first 6 ingredients in small bowl to crush herbs finely. This works best in a mortar and pestle. DO AHEAD: Can be made 1 week ahead. Cover; store at room temperature. Stir in peel before using.

Stuffing:

If using stuffing, mix stuffing ingredients in a small bowl. Set aside.

Turkey:

If defrosting a frozen turkey, see the FDA recommendations for this process; a 30-lb bird should take 7 days to defrost in the refrigerator (24 hours/5 lbs.). The cold water process is faster but requires more watchfulness, AND an extra bag. (I readily concede we cheated here and went with a warm-water bath to speed defrost the bird, a double no-no, because of possible cross-contamination. It worked fine, but it’s a dangerous game. Never again.) As an aside, it is possible — and even FDA-approved — to roast a frozen whole turkey, but it will take 50% longer than normal. Doing so would make the next part of this recipe fail, so I can’t recommend it.

Brine the turkey: I do a very simple brine of 10 oz. (weight) salt per gallon of water. I also use a mess of ice (20 lbs. in a 65-quart cooler, cleaned with a bleach solution) to keep the temperature down, and for food safety. Between the salt and the ice, the solution temperature should barely get above 32F, even for extended periods. I typically leave mine going overnight. Start by adding the ice and five gallons of water to the cooler, and then in a stock pot, add enough salt to 2-3 gallons of water to meet the requirements of the overall mix (so, 70 ounces for 7 gallons of water). (I assume the ice won’t melt, which isn’t quite correct, but most of it will stay solid for the time period we’re talking about.) Warm the mix while stirring until the salt is completely dissolved — it shouldn’t take more than tepid temperatures. Immerse the turkey in the ice water, add the brine solution, and let it sit overnight.

Update 2017-12-26: See Alton Brown’s approach to fixing this problem, which is how I think I was probably doing it before. That is, use cold and warm super-saline water together at about the same ratio I recommended upthread, but without initial ice. Monitor the bird closely thereafter, adding ice should the water temperature drift over 40F. (He suggests using a probe thermometer with an alarm.) The size of the bird is such that it will bring down the water temperature on its own, whereafter you can add ice as needed.

Pre-roasting prep: The next morning, remove the turkey from the brine. Rinse the turkey inside and out (do not pat dry). Pull any fat pads from the main cavity and neck cavity of turkey; wrap, chill, and reserve fat for roasting. Sprinkle inside and out with herbed salt.

Set rack at lowest position in oven and preheat to 425°F. Rinse turkey inside and out; pat very dry. Divide onion mixture between main and neck cavities. Fold neck skin under and secure with skewer. Tuck wing tips under. Tie legs together loosely. Place turkey on rack set in large roasting pan. Spread butter all over turkey. Make slits across the breast and insert tablespoon-sized pats of butter into those slits.

If using stuffing, stuff the turkey.

Place reserved fat pads and reserved neck, heart, and gizzard in pan; pour in 2 cups stock. Tent the whole bird in aluminum foil. Large birds tend to blow the rules away, and this site suggests 11 minutes/lb. for a 425F roast, which more or less aligns with our experience today. Check the turkey’s interior temperature in the thickest part of the breast early (a couple hours, at least) to prevent untoward surprises (and be prepared to re-tent with new aluminum foil each time).

30 minutes before the bird should be done, remove the tent and let it bake under direct heat.

When done, allow to stand 30 minutes before carving.

Stir-Fried Beef With Snow Peas & Red Peppers

Stolen from Cook’s Illustrated Cookbook, pp. 143-144. I doubled the recipe given I had unpacked two packages of T-bone steaks (what I had in the freezer, defrosted under water until stiff but not completely melted). Deboned and defatted (mostly on the latter), it amounted to 1 lb. 6 oz, about double what this calls for.

Sauce

• 1/2 c. low-sodium chicken broth
• 1/4 c. oyster sauce
• 2 tbsp. dry sherry
• 1 tbsp. sugar
• 1 tsp. cornstarch

Beef stir-fry

• 2 tbsp. soy sauce
• 1 tsp. sugar
• 1 (12 oz.) flank steak, trimmed and sliced thin across the grain on a slight bias. (As mentioned above, I used t-bone steak, but I expect this recipe can tolerate considerably cheaper cuts.)
• 3 garlic cloves, minced. Highly dependent on size, and I would recommend assuming smaller cloves. Also, whenever someone says “minced”, I just run it through my Rösle press.
• 1 tbsp. grated fresh ginger. I had none, and so substituted 1/4 tsp. powdered ginger.
• 2 tbsp. vegetable oil
• 12 oz. snap peas (I used whole snow peas)
• 1 red bell pepper, stemmed, seeded, and cut into 1/4” slices
• 2 tbsp. water
• FOR THE SAUCE: Whisk all the ingredients together in a small bowl and set aside.
• FOR THE STIR-FRY: Combine soy sauce and sugar in a mediu bowl. Add beef, toss well, and marinate for at least 10 minutes, or up to one hour, stirring once. (I opted for 30 minutes.) Meanwhile, combine garlic, ginger, and 1 tsp. oil in a small bowl.
• Drain beef and discard liquid. Heat 1 tsp. oil ... HA HA HA, however much you need to coat the wok. Heat until oil is smoking. Lay the beef one layer thick, and allow to cook for 1 minute uninterrupted. Stir and cook another 1-2 minutes until browned.
• Add any remaining oil to the wok and heat until just smoking. Add pea and bell pepper and cook, stirring frequently, until vegetables begin to brown, 3-5 minutes. Add water and continue to cook until vegetables are crisp-tender, 1-2 minutes longer. Clear center of skillet, add garlic-ginger mixture and cook, mashing mixture into pan, until fragrant, 15-20 seconds. Stir mixture into vegetables. Return beef and any juices to skillet and stir to combine. Whisk sauce to recombine, add to skillet and cook, stirring constantly until thickened, about 30 seconds. Serve.

13-Bean Soup

As with so many things in the kitchen, I find myself interpolating between recipes in order to make better use of the hardware I have. This is a good example of taking one thing from column A and another from column B and merging the two, in this case, the 13-bean soup recipes from Pressure Cooker Perfection (an America's Test Kitchen title) and the recipe from the Bob's Red Mill 13-bean soup label.

• 2 cups 13-bean soup mix. You can buy this in the Bob's package, or Sprouts actually sells a 10-bean bulk mix that's very similar.
• 2 quarts of chicken stock.
• 1 medium yellow onion, chopped
• 1 medium carrot, peeled and chopped
• 1 tsp. minced fresh thyme, or 1/4 tsp. dried thyme
  
• 1 pint tomato sauce
• 4 cloves garlic, pressed. Any time a recipe calls for minced garlic, I always press it as it's faster and easier, plus more flavorful (IMO).
• 1 lb. sweet Italian sausage. I use chicken sausage as it's lower fat.
• Enough olive/vegetable oil to cover a frying pan and the base of the pressure cooker (4 tbsp.?)
  
• 2 bay leaves
• 8 ounces Swiss chard
• Salt and pepper

Measure out two cups of the soup mix, and then pick through for bad beans, stones, and the like. At this point, you may wish to soak overnight, but the received wisdom is that overnight soaking is not necessary. That's especially true with pressure cookers.

Edit 2016-10-29: Use this quick pre-soak method:

• 8 cups water
• 2 tsps. salt
• oil

Rinse the bean mix in a colander and add to the empty pressure cooker. Add the water, salt, and oil; run for two minutes, and do a quick release, periodically stopping the release if foam comes out.

Coat a skillet and your pressure cooker with olive oil, and set both to high heat until the oil smokes a bit. Add the sausage in the skillet, and the chopped carrot and onion in the pressure cooker. Cook the sausage until brown on all sides (about 2 minutes), then set aside. Cook the carrots and onions until soft, about five minutes. Add the garlic and thyme to the pressure cooker, and cook until fragrant, about 30 seconds. Add broth, tomato sauce, bay leaves, and sausage to the pressure cooker, adding any residual juices from the sausage.

Lock the pressure cooker lid and set on high for 70 minutes (1:10). Quick release pressure. Extract the bay leaves and discard. Remove the sausages and cut in 1/2" thick slices, and return to the soup. Add the chard, and cook an additional five minutes, until the chard is tender. Add salt and pepper to taste.

For non-pressure cookers:

For cooking at atmospheric, the cooking time is 2:30 (two and a half hours).

Flu-Buster Soup

Given to Helen from a friend at the Copper Well spa, and something I’m gonna try making tonight or tomorrow.

• 1 small onion, chopped
• 6 cloves of garlic, minced
• 1/2 stalk of ginger, peeled and chopped
• 2 large carrots, chopped
• 3 medium potatoes, peeled and chopped
• 2 stalks of celery, chopped
• 1/2 head of cauliflower, chopped
• 1 zucchini, peeled and chopped
• Juice of 1 lemon, 2-4 tablespoons
• 2 cups of vegetable stock
• 1/2-1/4 teaspoon of cayenne pepper
• Salt and pepper to taste.

I used an instant pot but you can do it on the stove too. (Multiply times by about two for cooking at atmospheric.)

Saute garlic, onions, and ginger in olive oil until onions are translucent.

Add the rest of the ingredients and pressure cook for 40 minutes.

Use immersion blender to blend or cool and use blender. Return to pot and heat through.

Optional things to serve with is sour cream, Greek yogurt, or coconut cream. Crispy bacon or crisped tofu are great too.

I’ll probably dial back or eliminate the cayenne because Helen can tolerate very little nowadays.

Recipe Blogging: Black Bean Chili For The Instant Pot

Facebook has decided to annihilate their Notes feature, the one place on that site where you could post formatted text. (They pulled the plug on new notes some time last year, while retaining anything you had previously written.) Forthwith, I will start posting some recipes here that I previously published there, in instances where I had somehow retained a link (as by bit.ly):

"You Owe Me Your Opinion", She-Hulk: Attorney At Law Edition

 Women being angry at things appear to be an unlimited vein of ore for certain genre cultural artifacts, as evidenced by my favorite hobby horse in this space, Paul Feig's 2016 Ghostbusters reboot, less objectionably Xena: Warrior Princess. Despite generally favorable ratings at Rotten Tomatoes (as of this writing, 87% fresh from the critics, 74% audience score), the preemptive kvetching from outlets that can be counted on to tell us What We Need To Think — e.g. ScreenRant — are busying themselves letting certain audience reviewers Have Wrong Opinions. In particular, they have a beef with IMDB's audience score, currently at 5.2/10 stars.

...[A]s exposed by the review bombs of She-Hulk and other recent projects, IMDb’s intent to offer a credible index of genuine audience reviews has been massively undermined by one of its own rules and by the site’s rise in popularity. The rise in bad-faith IMDb reviews, particularly for projects led by women and/or BIPOC, threatens to render the site’s scores meaningless if the problem is not addressed.

Well, maybe if so much of the film biz (including flacks at places like ScreenRant) weren't aimed at sliming large parts of the potential audience as racists and sexists, this might not happen so much? Regardless of the cheap attempt at mind-reading, De'Vion Hinton has a valid point: IMDB shouldn't allow reviews for products not yet in circulation. But that doesn't mean anybody has to actually like it, either.  He (?) doesn't attempt to break this down by date of review, but the statistics IMDB themselves publish show a certain, um, pattern here:

The plurality of low ratings come from teenage boys. Wow, hoocoodanode? I expect next a soulfully argued piece coming out against calling neighborhood bars and looking for Amanda Hugginkiss.